“Tell your mom practice moved.” “Ask your dad if he paid for camp.” These sound harmless, but when children carry messages between two homes, they also carry the tension that comes with them. The article explains why that weight matters: kids who feel caught between their parents tend to struggle more with stress, loyalty conflicts, and self-esteem.

What stood out for dads:

• Get your own information. If you want the school schedule, the practice time, or the doctor’s details, go to the source: the school, the coach, the team email list, or Mom directly. Your child is not your source of intel on what’s happening in the other house.
• Keep money talk between adults. Child support, uniforms, and who owes what never belong in a child’s backpack.
• Let kids speak for themselves, not for you. “I want you at my game” is a child’s message. “Tell him if he cared, he’d come” is an adult’s.
• Don’t make them edit their joy. A kid should be able to say they had fun at Mom’s house without Dad going quiet.

Try this week: Listen for the phrase “Tell your mother…” or “Tell your father…”. When a complaint, request, or payment follows it, send a short, child-focused text instead: what changed, what you need, and by when.

If safety is a concern, the answer is still not to use the child as the go-between. Structured written communication or professional support is the better route.

Read the full article: Your Child Is Not a Messenger, Crashing Co-Parents